2022 NFL: Previewing Week 5

I enjoy Las Vegas, even though I’m not much of a gambler. Actually, check that. I do like to gamble, I’m just not good at it. The reason the hotels on the famed Strip are so big is because of dopes like me. Total mushes they see coming from miles away.

That being said, when it comes to table games, I’m a blackjack guy. And anyone who’s played can attest that there’s nothing more annoying than a push. You’re sitting pretty with a 20 and the dealer has a 14. Easy money, right? No, the dealer lands a 6. And while it’s true that you didn’t lose, you didn’t win any money either. What’s the fun in that?

Which brings me to the NFL. After four weeks of the regular season, there are 15 teams sitting with a push, or a 2-2 record. Just shy of half the league. But not all pushes are created equal. In blackjack, if you get a push after you just won four hands in a row, you’re not really upset. If you’re on a cold streak and the dealer matches your hand, it can be so infuriating that you’ll get up from the table. I’ve seen myself do it.

The 49ers are sitting at 2-2. But they just took apart the defending world champion Rams at home with a monster defensive effort. So going forward, they have to feel pretty good about themselves. Those same Rams are also 2-2, but their offensive line is a mess, offseason acquisition Allen Robinson is practically invisible at his wide receiver spot and their defense can’t get any pressure on the quarterback.

The Bengals started out 0-2, but they’ve won two straight. As have the Titans. The upstart Jaguars fell short against the unbeaten Eagles last week, but they jumped out to a two-score lead in the first half and had the ball with a chance to tie the game late in the fourth quarter. The Browns were a hair away from moving to 3-1 against the (now 2-2) Falcons, and that’s without Myles Garrett and (sigh) Deshaun Watson in the lineup. And don’t get me started on the Seahawks. They’re going to be one tough out.

On the other hand, down in Tampa the Buccaneers got a bunch of players back last week and laid an egg at home against the Chiefs. The Cardinals have an identity crisis, the Broncos seemingly have an overwhelmed head coach (more on him later) and a roster that’s being decimated by injuries.

All of this was said to show that a push after a month of football doesn’t always tell the same story. But with 15 teams at .500, it does prove that the NFL is definitely a parity driven league, just the way they want it.

NFL’S TOP 10

1. Bills – They would have had excuses. They were coming off a tough loss. The weather was bad in Baltimore. Their defense was banged up. Josh Allen threw a pick on the third play of the game that set up an easy touchdown. They fell behind by 17 points. But like Captain Jason Nesmith, they never gave up and never surrendered. They battled back and pulled out a 23-20 victory. That’s what championship teams do, they win when things aren’t going their way. That was really impressive.

2. Eagles – If you had money on Philly being the league’s only 4-0 team after a month of football, kudos to you. But you really shouldn’t be surprised. I said last week that I wanted to see more out of their defense, but they’re 10th in points allowed and third in yards allowed per game. That’s good enough, especially when you consider that the Eagles offense doesn’t have much trouble moving the ball. I love this squad.

3. Chiefs – I wonder how many times Pat Mahomes watched the tape of that Super Bowl loss to Tampa, because he played like a man trying to exorcise demons in that very same stadium. This win meant a lot to him and it was a warning shot to the rest of the NFL. You can take away Tyreek Hill, but the Chiefs aren’t going anywhere.

4. Packers – Still seems like they’re searching for an identity. To me, the answer is simple: Pound the ball with your two solid running backs and let Aaron Rodgers do damage in the play action game, especially while they’re trying to get their revamped receiving corps acclimated. There’s a lot of talent on this roster, it’s just a matter of putting it all together. They’ll get there. Then they’ll probably ignore all of what they built in the playoffs, but that’s a conversation for another day.

5. 49ers – Prisoner of the moment warning! I know, I know, it was one game against a Rams team that’s a little discombobulated. And they also have a loss to the Bears on their resume. But that defense is something else. They’re No. 1 in the league in points allowed per game. You can’t really run or throw on them. They can get after the quarterback in a frightening manner. If Jimmy Garoppolo can just avoid giving the ball to the other team, they’re a legit Super Bowl contender.

6. Dolphins – They’re 3-1 and won’t have Tua Tagovailoa this week. Good thing they have a capable backup in Teddy Bridgewater. We’ve seen him do it before, he’s more than capable of steering the ship until Tua gets back. In fact, Miami might want to make a wise move and keep their young quarterback out until they’re sure he’s 100 percent ready to play.

7. Ravens – That was a tough one to lose. If you want to argue that John Harbaugh made the wrong move by going for it on fourth down late in a tie game instead of taking the lead with a field goal, that’s fine. But their defense was on their heels and the Bills had the momentum. I have no problem with trying to push for a touchdown there. It was a calculated roll of the dice that didn’t work out. It happens.

8. Cowboys – How ‘bout em?! Dak Prescott went down with an injury in Week 1, but no problem, they’ve just run off three wins in a row thanks to a dominating defense. We’re going to learn a lot about this team over their next two games. Dallas faces the Rams on Sunday before a Sunday night showdown against the Eagles next week. Both on the road. If they can win both games, look out. Skip Bayless is going to be insufferable.

9. Buccaneers – They were leaning on their defense until that unit got torched against Kansas City. The offense is still struggling and now Tom Brady’s personal life is full of even more turmoil. The good news is, they have three very winnable games coming up against the Falcons, Steelers and Panthers. There’s still time to get healthy.

10. Rams – I went over their deficiencies above. They got manhandled in both games against solid defenses (Bills and 49ers). If they can get to their bye in two weeks with a .500 record, that’s a win. A good push, if you will.

WHAT’S THE CHATTER?

Nate’s not so great: Nobody came out and really said it outright, but when the Broncos hired Nathaniel Hackett to be their new head coach, it was probably with the understanding that the team would go out and make a deal to land Aaron Rodgers. The two had a very positive working relationship when Hackett was the offensive coordinator in Green Bay, with Rodgers going so far to say that there’s nobody that “brings me more joy, or is more fun to be around than Nathaniel Hackett.” As fate would have it, the Broncos weren’t able to build a Marie Kondo utopia in the Mile High City with a Hackett-Rodgers combo, instead settling for Russell Wilson. And the results have been mixed, at best. It’s never a good look when you bring in an offensive mind and you end up having trouble getting into the end zone. Now there are calls for Hackett to give up play-calling duties and Denver fans are counting down the play clock during games so the offense can avoid delay of game penalties. Ouch. Hackett-Wilson clearly isn’t bringing the kind of joy that Hackett-Rodgers would have. At least so far.

Modern marvels: Commanders rookie running back Brian Robinson had pretty much won the starting job in Washington before he was shot multiple times during a robbery attempt on Aug. 28. Here we are a little over a month later and Robinson has been cleared to return to practice. It speaks to how well doctors can repair injuries now and also to the relative good fortune for Robinson, who despite being shot in the knee, didn’t suffer serious ligament or bone damage.

Shouldn’t even bring him up: Antonio Brown is back in the news, but not for football reasons of course. I won’t get into the details, but a quick scan on TMZ will give you everything you need to know. It’s a good thing he’s out of the league and here’s hoping he never comes back. He’s a dope with absolutely zero self-awareness. Terrible combination. I promise this will be the last you hear of him in this space. I just wanted to put a bow on him. Good riddance.

Yeah, that’s bad: I was rooting for Baker Mayfield in Carolina. I thought he got a raw deal in Cleveland after he played hurt and tried to carry the team. But his start to this season has been tough to watch. He’s nowhere near the same quarterback who ended the Browns’ playoff drought and looks lost. There’s even talk about Sam Darnold taking his spot. That’s not great.

Good night and good luck: Blake Bortles just announced his retirement. Him not being on a roster definitely helped the decision. He was a first-round pick once upon a time and we’ll never forget he had one season with Jacksonville when they got to the playoffs and were a couple of plays from reaching the AFC championship game. Alas, things went downhill from there, but there’s nothing to really be ashamed about. So while we say buonanima to his NFL career, his life is just getting started. I wish him success.

APPOINTMENT VIEWING FOR WEEK 5

Colts at Broncos: Is it me, or have the Thursday night matchups been pretty compelling? If Indy loses here, they fall to 1-3-1. Eww. Not exactly what they hoped for when they brought in yet another veteran quarterback in Matt Ryan this past offseason. Head coach Frank Reich might want to start pricing new real estate, too.

Giants at Packers: A matchup of two 3-1 teams. Yes, the Giants are 3-1. Bill Parcells once famously said, “you are what your record says you are.” But come on, get real. This isn’t an actual 3-1 team. But who knows, if they win at Lambeau Field on Sunday, I’ll shutup.

Steelers at Bills: Welp, Pittsburgh turned to rookie quarterback Kenny Pickett last week during their loss to the Jets. According to ESPN, Pickett is atop the Steelers depth chart this week. That’s great, except they’re on the road this week against a vaunted Bills defense. Good luck.

Chargers at Browns: On paper, the Chargers should win this game, but this team has made a habit of going against expectations over the past few years. Keep an eye on this matchup, it could get pretty interesting.

Bears at Vikings: I’m not going to pretend like I woke up before 6 a.m. last Sunday to watch Minnesota win in London. But they did win and are now 3-1. That’s nice. I still don’t know what to make of this team. I probably won’t learn much more in this game.

Cowboys at Rams: L.A. has matched up well against teams like the Buccaneers, Cardinals and even the Cowboys over the past few years. It will be interesting to see how Dallas brings pressure against Matthew Stafford. I can guarantee that Cowboys defensive coordinator Dan Quinn will have some exotic stuff dialed up, especially since the Rams can’t pick up a blitz to save their lives. And if I’m anyone in Dallas’ secondary, I’m drooling. Stafford will give you the ball at some point.

Eagles at Cardinals: I’m not a fan of what Arizona is doing. The Cardinals are all over the place offensively and lack discipline. They’re the opposite of Philadelphia. I expect the Eagles to come into the desert roll to an easy win.

Bengals at Ravens: Oooh, AFC North tilt! Grab your popcorn because this should be a good one.

Raiders at Chiefs: Oooh, AFC West tilt! And it’s Monday night! What else are you gonna watch?

Enjoy the games!