2023 NFL: Previewing Week 1

The passage of time can be a slow grind. From early February until early September, the days and months tick by and you try to anticipate the words you’ll share that can perfectly describe the emotions when sweet, precious football returns to our lives. 

Then, suddenly, it’s tomorrow and you find yourself tongue-tied. So, as I sit here a little more than 24 hours before the Lions and Chiefs officially kick off the 2023 NFL season, I have so many words and no words. A blank space, to quote Taylor Swift. 

So, why bother? I can spew a bunch of nonsense designed to make me sound brilliant, but let’s just settle on one word: grateful. 

I’m grateful for packed stadiums. 

I’m grateful for trash talk on Twitter. Sorry, on X (don’t get me started). 

I’m grateful for the chance to argue about what constitutes a catch. Does one butt equal two feet? Does a slight bobble negate everything that happened before that? 

I’m grateful for soft quarterbacks. God forbid you breathe on them too aggressively. I hate the rule until it happens to my guy, then I smile like a lunatic as 15 extra yards are tacked on to the last play. 

I’m grateful for Joe Buck. Yes, I’m the one guy who likes him. I really don’t understand the hate. 

I’m grateful for Aaron Rodgers. He makes the NFL more interesting. The world needs some weirdos. 

I’m grateful that the Rams have a first-round pick waiting for the first time in several years. They’re going to need it because they’re going to stink out loud in 2023. 

I’m grateful that I bought a 65-inch TV (Prime Day!) in time for the season. I want to immerse myself in the game. 

I’m grateful that my neighbors can’t hear me shouting … I hope. Full disclosure: The stuff that flies out of my mouth at critical moments is not for public consumption.

I’m grateful for the Dallas Cowboys. When they’re good, the NFL is better. 

I’m grateful for Bill Belichick. You’re going to miss him when he retires. 

I’m grateful that Tom Brady is gone, at least for now. I’m sorry, but I still don’t buy that he’s really retired. He’s going to feel an itch at some point. 

I’m grateful for SoFi Stadium. Not only is it a wonderful place to see a game, but it’s such a welcoming environment for opposing fans. We really make them feel comfortable rooting for their squad and making the Rams offense have to use a silent count. Word of warning: Don’t try that at Dodger Stadium. Things can get dicey there. 

I’m grateful for Dan Campbell. What a man’s man. I wish I had the talent to play for him. He should maybe watch his caffeine intake though. 

And most of all, I’m grateful for us. This is our time of year. Let’s just enjoy it. OK, enough nonsense, let’s peer into the crystal ball, shall we? 

2023 AWARD PREDICTIONS 

MVP: Jalen Hurts 

The man got hosed last season. He was pretty much guaranteed to take home the hardware if not for a late-season injury that caused him to miss some time down the stretch. And so, Patrick Mahomes, that total bum (joke), got the consolation prize. And then he beat Hurts in the Super Bowl to top it off. Which is a shame because Hurts played better than Mahomes in that game and still came up short. 

Well, no more! Mr. Jalen will get his satisfaction in 2023, even though according to the betting sharps, Hurts is fifth in the MVP odds. Mahomes is the favorite (of course), followed by Joe Burrow, Josh Allen and Justin Herbert. Look, if you want to make an argument for any of those guys, I can’t exactly argue with you, with the exception of maybe Herbert. Good player, but MVP worthy? Meh. 

But I feel the Eagles are going to be a motivated bunch. They’re still the best team in the conference, and I have no reason to believe that Hurts will take a step back, barring another injury. This is his year. 

Defensive Player of the Year: Micah Parsons 

A wise man named Han Solo once said, “Never tell me the odds.” Well, the odds are saying the Cowboys linebacker is the favorite this season, and you know what? I believe it.  

What’s great about him is that he does a lot of things well, even though he’s not statistically elite in any category. He’s a jack of all trades. He can get sacks, he’s solid in the pass game and can force fumbles. There’s a reason he was a first team All-Pro in 2022. And I have full confidence that he will take the next step and be acknowledged as the best defender in the sport. 

Coach of the Year: Dan Campbell 

I just wanted to predict this because I’m a huge fan. Pundits have enjoyed taking shots at him over the years, because he’s admittedly a bit of a meathead. And many pundits spent their formative years being stuffed into lockers. So they see him and feel threatened. But that’s what I love about him. He took a moribund Lions franchise and almost rah-rah’d them into the playoffs in 2022.  

And you know what? I think this team has a division title waiting for them if all goes according to plan. And while his jockiness might cost him his job one day, because what makes you successful in the NFL will eventually be used against you, let’s just enjoy the man while we can.  

NFC PLAYOFF TEAMS: Eagles, Niners, Saints, Lions, Cowboys, Packers, Seahawks 

Chris Stoner and I went back and forth on this topic during this week’s Sports Tonight podcast (shameless plug). And after discussion, I thought better of including the Vikings, which would have given the NFC North three teams in the postseason. Remember, Minnesota went 11-0 in games decided by 8 points or less. They’re not repeating that and their defense is still subpar, at best, so I think they fall short, despite the weapons they have on offense. 

And as I mentioned above, this is the year that the Lions win their division for the first time in 30 years. I’m serious, look it up. The last time they did that, Barry Sanders was still on the field.  

And besides the NFC South, which has three rebuilding teams and the Saints, every other division will get two teams in. If you want to make an argument that the NFC East can get a third, I’ll listen. But I just don’t think the Giants, which like the Vikings, had a negative point differential in 2022, will be able to backdoor their way into the postseason again. 

NFC Championship Game: Cowboys at Eagles 

My first thought was to pick a rematch of 2022, because who wouldn’t want to see the Niners and Eagles again, this time with San Francisco (hopefully) having a healthy quarterback under center?  

I don’t think that’s going to happen. While I was impressed with how Brock Purdy played last season, there’s something holding me back from being a full believer. And the worst part is, I can’t put my finger on it. I’m just going with my gut here. Defensive coordinators have had a full offseason to break down tape and I have to believe they’re going to find ways to exploit his deficiencies, whatever they may be. I also don’t think that Christian McCaffrey, who was uncharacteristically very healthy in 2022, will be able to do that again. Sorry, just going by past history. 

So that leaves us with what I feel are the two best remaining teams in the conference. And that’s Dallas and Philadelphia. This game will be in the City of Brotherly Love, and a sure-to-be motivated bunch of birds will punch their Super Bowl ticket again.  

AFC PLAYOFF TEAMS: Bills, Bengals, Jaguars, Chiefs, Dolphins, Jets, Ravens 

Remember when the AFC East was the Patriots and three dumpster fires? Those days are well in the past and it’s New England on the bottom looking up at three teams making the playoffs. And yes, that includes the Jets. 

Gang Green has talent. Their defense is good, the offensive line is improved and they have some offensive weapons like Dalvin Cook, Breece Hall, Mecole Hardman, Allen Lazard and Garrett Wilson. Oh, did I mention that they acquired Aaron Rodgers during the offseason? Hmmm, this team is suddenly compelling. 

I’m not going to pick them to beat out the Bills for the division title because I’m a huge coward. But they’re going to be right there in the mix and could host a home playoff game. 

Meanwhile, the AFC West, who I foolishly thought was the best division in football before last season, will have no such luck in 2023. They’re what the AFC East used to be: one team (the Chiefs) and three also-rans. 

I wanted to troll my Baltimore buddy Chris and leave them out of the playoff mix, but I’ve got a reputation to uphold here. There’s too much talent on this roster for that to happen. I think the Bengals will win the AFC North, but the Ravens will be there and I’d love to see these two teams face off in the postseason.  

Meanwhile, the Jaguars will take the AFC South because … well, someone has to. Could the Titans compete? Sure they could, I just don’t believe in them. And the Colts and Texans are still a season away. 

AFC Championship Game: Bills at Chiefs 

I thought this would be the game that the whole world would enjoy in last season’s conference title game, but that didn’t happen. It’s going to be different now. I came very close to picking the Jets to reach this round, but I thought better of it. And this time, Buffalo is going to get it done. 

Bills Mafia, you’re not going to like what’s coming next, but at least you’ll have this win to savor for a couple weeks. 

Super Bowl: Eagles vs. Bills 

This would just be too cruel. Buffalo fans have been doing body slams through tables, showed up en masse every Sunday to scream their heads off for their boys and displayed the kind of loyalty that’s not seen anymore these days.  

They deserve this. They have earned the right to feel the kind of joy that’s unparalleled in the sports world. The kind of joy that even I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing, for pete’s sake, and I’m a dumb, soft, Southern California commie Rams fan.  

But I’m sorry. This world is a cruel place. Therefore, Buffalo will fall to 0-5 in Super Bowls.  

Winner: Eagles. 

WHAT’S THE CHATTER? 

Stink for Caleb: Are you paying attention, Sean McVay? I’m not saying you shouldn’t try hard this season, but if the losses start piling up, would that be the worst thing? If you were to say, deal Matthew Stafford and Aaron Donald before the trade deadline for draft picks, would that be awful? No, absolutely not. And should you end up with the worst record in the league and secure the No. 1 pick in 2024, would Sid Saraf be pleased? You bet your life I would. You see, there’s this quarterback playing just off the 110 Freeway named Caleb Williams, who is the defending Heisman Trophy winner. And he will be available in this upcoming draft. I love him so much, I consider him my son. It’s a match made in heaven. Please do me a favor and suck, Coach McVay. The reward will be great. 

Injuries are the worst: The Chiefs are a day away from starting their Super Bowl defense and Travis Kelce is now hurt. As Mike Florio pointed out, the star tight end rarely misses games. He’s the anti-McCaffrey. Kelce apparently suffered a knee injury in practice this week and his status for Thursday’s opener is now in doubt. Missing one game is fine. What I’m worried about is that knee injuries are sketchy. They’re like high ankle sprains in that there’s no way to really predict how long they take to heal. And fantasy owners, who most likely spent a high pick on him, are pulling their hair out. But that’s football for you. 

Are you a believer? Look, I’m not being a hater here. The Colts took QB Anthony Richardson with the No. 4 overall pick in the last draft and I can’t say that I’m surprised. He definitely looks the part on paper and wowed everyone with his skills during pre-draft workouts and such. But I’m more concerned with what I saw out of him during actual games when he was at Florida. He was inconsistent. I take every rookie quarterback with a grain of salt, but I at least expect them to be dominant in college, and he wasn’t. But hey, I’ve been wrong before, I hope I am with him. 

New Sunday Ticket: I’ve had the package for the past few years and I thought the DirecTV product wasn’t very good. I think YouTube can handle it better. I’m looking forward to seeing what it’s like, even though the cost is still annoying. But what am I going to do? Not pay it? No chance of that happening. 

APPOINTMENT VIEWING FOR WEEK 1 

Truth be told, I’m excited for every game. That’s not going to be the case going forward, but everyone is 0-0 right now and that makes me happy. 

Lions at Chiefs: The NFL kickoff! And what a matchup we’ve got here. The defending champs against my favorite NFC team. I’d love nothing more than to see Jared Goff, who I still love, light it up on the road and silence the Kansas City crowd. Crazier things have happened. 

Bengals at Browns: The Battle of Paul Brown. Cleveland will have Deshaun Watson under center for a whole season now and they can make quite a statement by beating their in-state rival. 

Titans at Saints: New Orleans made quite the commitment to David Carr as they brought him in and paid him a lot of money. A lot of people have said the Saints are a quarterback away from being a contender. Well, let’s see how this goes. 

49ers at Steelers: This is the type of early season game that the Niners would lose and look bad doing so. That doesn’t mean anything in the long run, so don’t be surprised to see Pittsburgh get the win here. And don’t be surprised to see the panic mongers come out in full force on Monday morning. It won’t mean a thing. San Francisco is solid. 

Packers at Bears: The post-Rodgers era officially begins! And the Justin Fields experiment continues! I’ve got nothing else to add, but I’m excited! 

Raiders at Broncos: Sean Payton is here to clean up the mess that Nathaniel Hackett left behind in the Mile High City. If you think about it, he doesn’t have a lot of pressure on him. The Broncos were so bad last season that there’s nowhere to go but up.  

Eagles at Patriots: It’s a rematch of Super Bowl Whatever It Was. But there’s no Tom Brady. Not as much fun anymore, right? 

Dolphins at Chargers: Two teams that I know have talent, but will win games they shouldn’t and lose games they shouldn’t. Let the confusion begin. 

Rams at Seahawks: Ugh.I guess I have to watch this game, being a Rams fan and all. 

Cowboys at Giants: Grab your popcorn, NFC East tilts remind me of my childhood, when every division game mattered. 

Bills at Jets: Aaron Rodgers gets to make his official debut in prime time. Of course he does. And don’t act like you’re not thrilled to see it. 

Enjoy the games! It’s great to be back.