2023 NFL: Previewing Week 2

Man, the NFL is totally scripted. It’s professional wrestling. It’s what is known as a “work” in the business. The ending is predetermined. It’s all for ratings. 

It makes total sense. Why else would Aaron Rodgers, a four-time NFL MVP, get traded to the Jets, a team in the country’s biggest media market? Of course, it’s to build up even more hype to feed the ever-growing football machine. Arian Foster said so during a podcast early this year, describing how players would receive “scripts” at training camp every season. 

The NFL even totally gave it away with a recent commercial. Keegan Michael-Key plays a director leading a table read where they go over all the potential storylines for 2023. The truth is right in front of us, man! They’re mocking us! They think we’re stupid! 

OK, cut. 

Obviously, Arian Foster’s comments were absolutely of the tongue-in-cheek variety. He was just chopping it up on a podcast and other players even joined in on the fun in the days following. What’s disturbing is that there are clowns out there who really believe that’s true. If you don’t believe me, take a trip through a comment section now and then. You’ll see people saying things that aren’t just dumb, they’re pretty much impossible to pull off. 

Which brings us to this past Monday night. If the league was scripted, what happened to Aaron Rodgers would just be bad writing. That would be like creating “The Sopranos” and killing Tony Soprano off in the fifth episode. You’ve just sunk a series before it has a chance to take off.  

There was so much excitement surrounding the New York Jets. They have the reigning offensive and defensive rookies of the year. They were on “Hard Knocks.” Rodgers had been making the media rounds. The team was playing their first game of the season at home on the 22nd anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks. Patriotism and positivity was flowing through the crowd and filling our TV screens. Rodgers even came out of the tunnel carrying an American flag, for Pete’s sake. 

And then … on the Jets’ first offensive series, Rodgers went down with what turned out to be a torn Achilles’ tendon. Done for the season. How is that fair? Why can’t we have nice things? What hack would write that? 

Now kudos to Head Coach Robert Saleh for shaking off what must have been a severe case of the “WTFs” and keeping his team together that night. And wouldn’t you know it, they somehow managed to beat the Bills in overtime. That’s impressive. And the next day, when the official Rodgers injury news came, Saleh put all of his infectious rah-rah energy behind Zach Wilson, the third-year pro and former first-round pick who’s had an up-and-down start to his career, at best. 

“I want to make it very clear, Zach’s our quarterback,” Saleh said via the New York Post. “We have a lot of faith in Zach. We’re rolling with Zach and excited for him.” 

There are veteran quarterbacks out there in the free agent market and the team said they will look to sign one in the coming days. Matt Ryan, Colt McCoy and another name I’ll get to later are all available. But make no mistake, Saleh says this is Wilson’s job going forward. 

“Under no circumstances is any of this a competition,” Saleh said. “This is Zach’s team and we’re rolling with Zach.” 

Well, alrighty then. This is what the Jets will have under center. The good news is, their defense is elite. And they do have a lot of offensive talent. This team was pretty much a quarterback away and that man had to be helped off the field on Monday night and we won’t see him back this season – or possibly ever. 

But, Sid! Just wait a damn minute! What if Zach Wilson balls out and suddenly becomes a superstar?  

Then the NFL is totally scripted. Someone get me a tinfoil hat. 

WEEK 1 UNDERSTATEMENTS 

Everyone does overreactions after the first week of games. I want to try going in the opposite direction. 

Brandon Staley is on the hot seat 

It’s getting hotter every minute. In fact, it’s probably getting way too warm to sit on. Remember, he was hired as the Chargers head coach in 2021 after a short, but very successful stint as the Rams defensive coordinator. In fact, L.A. had the top-ranked unit in the league in points and total yards allowed in his one season on the job.  

But his tenure with the Bolts has had some shaky moments. First, he made some bad coaching decisions in a Week 18 game that ended up costing the team a playoff spot in 2021. Then last year, the Chargers went 10-7, only to blow a 27-0 lead in the wild card round and lose to the Jaguars, who back-doored their way into the playoffs. 

And on Sunday, they allowed the Dolphins to do an amazing Tecmo Bowl impression. Staley was hired for being strong defensively. Giving up 536 yards at home is not strong. 

Seahawks didn’t look good 

No, they looked awful. Passing gas in church doesn’t look good. What Seattle did at home against the Rams on Sunday was the equivalent of forcing a flight to turn around because you had diarrhea all the way up the aisle (look it up, that happened.) The Seahawks had a 13-7 lead at halftime and then proceeded to gain 12 yards of offense in the second half. That’s right, 12 yards over two quarters of football. Against a Rams defense that has young players everywhere. That’s putrid. Seattle was a darling of the pundits and a sexy pick to win the NFC West. Oh, puh-leeze. Here’s a stat: The Seahawks are 3-7 over their last 10 games. All three of those wins came against backup quarterbacks. Barf. 

Ravens have bad injury luck 

I’m starting to think this organization wronged someone in a former life. Baltimore had quite the butcher’s bill in 2022 and it seems things are picking up where they left off. They got the win on Sunday over the Texans, but left tackle Ronnie Staley went down with a sprained knee and center Tyler Linderbaum sprained his ankle.  

Head coach John Harbaugh said safety Marcus Williams “will be out for a while” after suffering a pectoral injury. And of course, this brings us to running back J.K. Dobbins. This poor guy can’t catch a break. He tore his ACL during the 2021 preseason and missed the entire year, dealt with another injury that caused him to miss time last season and on Sunday, was lost for another year when he tore his Achilles.  

Sigh. 

Oh, also, tight end Mark Andrews, an important target for QB Lamar Jackson, didn’t play on Sunday with a quad injury. Is it something in the water up there? 

Bryce Young is small 

I’ve been saying this since the first time I saw him out on the field with pro players. He’s … not big. Like, at all. Ryen Russillo also pointed this out during one of his podcasts. Kyler Murray is short, but he’s thick. Same with Russell Wilson. 

When I see Bryce Young, he looks like a child. I’m afraid for him. I can’t imagine he’s going to be able to take NFL hits. Granted, he’s a rookie and he has time to fill out and possibly build a man body in the coming years. But until that happens, he needs to run for his life. And the coaching staff needs to design plays where he gets the ball out of his hand fast. Because I don’t like where this is headed, especially since Young is trying to lead a bad team. 

Lions made a statement 

No, they roared. Haha! Get it?! Because they’re the Lions, right? Eh? Eh? 

In all seriousness, to come out against the defending champs on national TV and not just win, but return a Patrick Mahomes interception for a touchdown in the process let the football world know that Detroit isn’t just a stop on the victory train anymore. This team is different, they’re hungry and they have guts. They’re not afraid to call a fake punt deep in their own territory. 

And I couldn’t be happier for Jared Goff. He deserves to be on a winner. And if things go as I have predicted, he’s got success in his future. 

WHAT’S THE CHATTER? 

Give the man his due: I’ve had my doubts about Brock Purdy. Maybe he caught some teams by surprise last season. Maybe Kyle Shanahan spoon-fed him some failsafe plays and made life easier for him and blah, blah, blah. But I can’t argue with how he looked in Week 1 against the Steelers. He was throwing the ball downfield, he looked sharp and not intimidated at all on the road in an early window game. I know it’s just one game, but if this is how he’s going to look going forward, the rest of the league is in trouble. Good stuff. 

Clown of the week award: Keith Olbermann used to be one of my favorites. He was brilliant on “Sportscenter” once upon a time. But those days are but a distant memory. Now he’s just an unhirable, unstable mess of a human being arguing with idiots on Twitter, or X or whatever the hell that platform is calling itself these days. And when Aaron Rodgers went down with an injury, Olbermann was there to make a predictable and hacky vaccination joke. I won’t repeat it here because it was just so dumb. And quite frankly, embarrassing. 

No Kaep? When the Rodgers news broke, Colin Kaepernick’s agent reached out to the Jets and made it known that his client was interested in a return to the NFL. Now judging by what Robert Saleh said, it doesn’t seem like the team is interested in signing anyone who could be viewed as competition for Zach Wilson. And while the 35-year-old Kaepernick hasn’t played pro ball in years, it’s a guarantee that bringing him into the locker room would be seen by everyone as a threat to Wilson’s gig. 

That doesn’t mean another team won’t sign him and I’d like to see him land a gig. Just to finish his story. There’s something about him not being in the league that bothers me, even though I’m sure that his signing would draw a chorus of “durr durrs” from certain people across the country. But I’m not optimistic. The fact remains that Kaepernick sued the league and deposed several team owners in the process. And while he got settlement money, owners are known as people who hold grudges.  

Don’t forget Dallas: I don’t have much to add to what the Cowboys did on Sunday night. Their 40-0 shellacking of the Giants was self-explanatory. Their defense looked great and the offense behind running back Tony Pollard flowed well. Remember, the Cowboys are good for business. When they’re good, the league is better for it. 

APPOINTMENT VIEWING FOR WEEK 2 

Vikings at Eagles: Philly had to hold on to beat the Patriots, while the Vikings couldn’t put the Bucs away at home. Now they’re both on a short week with the goal of erasing a lingering bad taste from their previous games. This should be a fun one. 

Packers at Falcons: Was Jordan Love’s first game a fluke? Another good performance will quiet some of the doubters, myself included. Meanwhile, I was a bit puzzled by what the Falcons did offensively last week. Sure, they won, but Drake London getting zero catches? What was that all about? 

Ravens at Bengals: Cincinnati played about as awful as possible in Cleveland. Expect the Bengals to snap out of it on Sunday against a Ravens team that’s dealing with the aforementioned injuries. 

Seahawks at Lions: Seattle and its 12 yards of second-half offense really needs this game. I can see them falling to 0-2 here. That’s not good. 

Chiefs at Jaguars: Two teams who could face each other in the postseason. The easy thing to do here would be to pick Kansas City to bounce back after its opening-week loss. But I wouldn’t be so sure. 

49ers at Rams: This one should get ugly fast. And it’s a de facto home game for the Niners to boot.  

Jets at Cowboys: Zach Wilson has the keys to the offense now. Here’s hoping he doesn’t crash into a tree. On the road against a formidable defense is a tough task. 

Dolphins at Patriots: New England is solid on defense, but can they hold off Miami’s team speed? This should be an interesting game. 

Browns at Steelers: An AFC North tilt on a Monday night? Yes, please! 

Enjoy the games!