2023 NFL: Previewing Week 7

The great philosopher and standup comedian Brian Regan once said, “I’m just trying to go through life without looking stupid. It’s not working out too well.” 

I was gifted an amazing experience in late October of last year. A close friend called me, saying he had free suite tickets for the 49ers-Rams game at SoFi Stadium and they were mine if I was interested.  

My response was, “uhhh … yes, please?” 

Not only were the tickets gratis, they came with a parking pass, which if you know anything about SoFi Stadium, isn’t cheap. What luck! What god did I please? I didn’t even question it, I just thanked my good fortune, grabbed my dad and my 49ers fan brother in law and went. 

And what an experience. The stadium is objectively wonderful, the food in the suite was great and we had a blast … and then I did something stupid. 

The 49ers started pouring it on the Rams in the second half and with just a few minutes left in the fourth quarter, the game was out of reach. The numerous Niners fans in the stadium and in the suite level were having a grand old time, my brother in law included. And there was a group of San Francisco acolytes really yukking it up in the adjacent suite and the Rams fans in my box were doing some friendly jawing back and forth with them. 

That’s when something possessed me to raise my hand and extend a middle finger salute in their direction. To this day, I don’t know why I did that. That’s not how I roll. Yes, I love football and when I’m at home, I’ve been known to throw a couch cushion or shout in frustration. But I don’t act the fool in public.  

And before you ask, I was sober. I hadn’t had a sip of alcohol. There was no excuse for my action. The second I did that, I felt a level of embarrassment I hadn’t experienced in years. And I’ve been through a divorce. What an absolute idiot. 

I got lucky, because the situation didn’t escalate. Nobody took umbrage with me and things didn’t get physical. However, that happens all too often at NFL games, as demonstrated by the many fights that went down during Monday night’s Cowboys-Chargers tilt in Los Angeles. I defend my football fandom a lot, but when people point out that some fans behave like schmucks in the stands, I can’t argue with them. They’re absolutely right. 

Lest you think this is a recent phenomenon, let me assure you that it isn’t. It’s just being documented more because social media is so huge. I lived in South Florida for some time back in the early 2000s and one year, I had season tickets to the Dolphins. And fights were a routine occurrence. 

 

Every game there were multiple vicious scuffles. At the time, I just blamed the violence on the Florida humidity, but I know now that’s not the case. People get boozed up and take the sport way too seriously. And the sight of someone in an opposing team’s jersey apparently makes their blood boil. I was able to take the moral high ground until my great SoFi flub of 2022. But I’m apparently just as capable of taking part in such jackassery. 

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but we NFL fans must be better. It’s just a damn game. Stop being dumb. 

NFL’S TOP 10 

 1. 49ers – First possessions can be deceiving. San Francisco marched right down the field on the Browns and scored with ease early in the first quarter on Sunday. Everything went downhill from there. Brock Purdy looked rattled, Deebo Samuel and Christian McCaffrey left with injuries and the Niners ended up losing to a Cleveland team playing with a backup quarterback. It happens. Every team has a bad game here and there. I don’t see a reason to be worried or to knock them out of the top spot in these rankings. 

 2. Lions – Sometimes you move up because everyone else around you stumbles. That’s the case with Detroit, who did get a solid win in Tampa on Sunday, but Philly’s loss makes the Lions look even stronger. But let’s face it, their competition hasn’t exactly been strong to this point, we’re going to learn a lot about them when they face the Ravens this week. 

 3. Dolphins – They’re the best offense in the league and when they’re rolling, it seems like nothing can stop them. But what happens when they face real teams? They already failed their first tough test against the Bills, and now they’ve got the Eagles coming on Sunday night. We’ll see what happens. 

 4. Eagles – Just like the Niners, Philly took a header against the Jets on the road. The only thing I learned from that is they won’t go 17-0 this season. Moving on.  

 5. Chiefs – Sigh. I feel like a broken record. Every week I say that I’m not impressed with how Kansas City is playing and I’m proven right, with the latest evidence being an uninspired win over the Broncos last Thursday. But that’s the key word: win. They’re 5-1 and haven’t played good football yet. How bad can things be? 

 6. Bills – Something is missing with them and I can’t put my finger on it. Josh Allen isn’t consistent at all, but the offense did just enough to get past a struggling Giants team on Monday night. It’s tough to predict which team we’re going to see from week to week. 

 7. Cowboys – It’s good to bet on teams coming off a bad loss and Dallas rebounded nicely after their embarrassment against San Francisco. And now they get a bye week to regroup and come back strong for a couple interesting games against the Rams and Eagles. 

 8. Ravens – They’re in the top spot in the most competitive division in the league, where every team is .500 or better. And they did a great job going across the pond and getting a win over the Titans, even though it’s clear they need to do a better job in the red zone. But, as long as you have a kicker like Justin Tucker, things could definitely be worse. 

 9. Jaguars – Come on, man! I was super excited to see Jacksonville take the Colts apart at home, but then Trevor Lawrence hurt his knee late in the game. The good news is that it’s not considered serious and he could possibly play on Thursday against the Saints. 

 10. Browns – You beat the best team in the NFL with a backup quarterback, you get the 10th spot in these rankings. Those are the rules. 

WHAT’S THE CHATTER? 

Clown of the Week Award: Sorry, it’s Tyrod Taylor. I don’t like saying that because I’ve always rooted for him. It seems that whenever he gets a chance at being a starting quarterback, he gets hurt or a doctor punctures his lung with a needle. But that sequence right before halftime on Monday night was inexcusable. The Giants had no timeouts and just seconds left on the 1-yard line. Taylor audibled to a running play that was stuffed short of the goal line and before they could line up and spike the ball, the clock expired. Ugh. Instead of going into the locker room with momentum, they got nothing. That can’t happen. 

He’s back? The Dolphins were punched in the gut when Jalen Ramsey, their prized offseason acquisition, went down with a knee injury that required surgery. Smash cut to the present and Ramsey is set to return to practice and could be activated at any time. Wow. If they can get him back in the lineup soon, their defense could get a big boost. 

What does that even mean? In the name of furthering player safety, the league is looking at banning the hip-drop tackle, which apparently increases the risk of injury 25 times the rate of a standard tackle. I guess my question is: What the &*%$ is a hip-drop tackle? I saw a video of what one looks like, and I’m still confused. How in the world would refs legislate that on the field? And how long until a critical game is decided by that? Can’t we just leave well enough alone? 

Outlaw it! The Eagles just love their precious little “Brotherly Shove” play, don’t they? They all have big smiles on their faces when they line up and push Jalen Hurts forward in CLEAR VIOLATION OF THE RULES OF FOOTBALL to get first downs in short yardage situations. The league’s competition committee is apparently looking at the play and may or may not make a decision in the future. I’m in favor of eliminating it. Because it’s dumb and I hate it. 

I don’t buy it: A nice lady named Merianne Do wearing a Chargers jersey was shown on camera several times during the Monday night game and she went viral. People hurled accusations that she was a paid actor. She insists that she’s not, but is in fact a rabid Chargers fan. I say there’s no such thing as a rabid Chargers fan. She’s a plant! And probably a witch! 

APPOINTMENT VIEWING FOR WEEK 7 

Jaguars at Saints: I’ve been trying to take New Orleans seriously since before the season started. But if they drop this one and fall below .500, I can’t defend them anymore. Especially if the Jaguars are without Trevor Lawrence. 

Raiders at Bears: People have scoffed at Las Vegas a lot. But you know what? If they win this game, they’ll be a game above .500. Yep, it’s true. 

Browns at Colts: Will Deshaun Watson play? He says he hopes so, but even if he doesn’t, Cleveland has proven it can win a game with P.J. Walker taking snaps. Meanwhile, Indy needs this game if they want to keep pace in the AFC South. Can’t believe I just said that. 

Falcons at Buccaneers: Interesting division matchup. This is one of the tougher games left on Atlanta’s schedule, which further illustrates their relatively easy path to the postseason. 

Lions at Ravens: One of the games of the week. Detroit’s defense has played well, but will they be able to limit Lamar Jackson’s running ability? That’s the real wild card in this game. 

Steelers at Rams: This game is in Los Angeles, but I guarantee there will be more Pittsburgh fans in the stands at SoFi Stadium. Good thing I’m not there to throw up middle fingers. This game should be surprisingly entertaining. I’m looking forward to it. 

Chargers at Chiefs: This is a game the Chiefs should lose. In fact, I’m calling my shot: I’m taking the Bolts to win this one. 

Dolphins at Eagles: The other game of the week. Clear your schedules on Sunday night and make sure to watch this one. Forget about your families, they can wait. 

49ers at Vikings: Bet on San Francisco to win big since they’re coming off a bad loss.